TL;DR
Most of us grow up treating failure like a disease to avoid at all costs. We hide it, fear it, and feel ashamed of it. Yet many of our deepest lessons, strongest character traits, and wisest decisions are born from things that did not work.
Failure is not the enemy. Shame is. When you separate failure from shame, you begin to see failure as a teacher, not a judge. You can fall, laugh, learn, and get up again with more clarity than before. That is how human beings grow, how leaders are formed, and how nations slowly rise out of confusion.
My First Public Failure
As a boy, I believed I was built for glory.
In my imagination, I could run faster than anyone in the village, stand firm in any fight, and never fall in public. I saw myself as one of those heroes from our stories, the ones who never stumbled, never hesitated, and never cried in front of people.
Then came the school race.
We were lined up on a dusty field. Someone shouted, “Go!” and we took off. My shorts were slightly oversized, but I told myself real champions do not worry about such small matters. Halfway into the race, my shorts decided they had had enough. I stepped on them, my foot caught, and I flew forward like a sack of sorghum. I landed flat on my face.
The crowd roared. Not with applause, but with laughter.
Dust in my mouth, knees burning, pride shattered, I wanted the earth to open and swallow me. That day I discovered something that would follow me into adulthood: failure in public feels like death the first time.
But here is the strange thing. I remember that fall far more clearly than any race I ever won. That one moment of humiliation planted a seed. It taught me that I could fall, feel the burn of shame, stand up again, and live. It was not the end. It was the beginning of learning.
Why We Fear Failure So Deeply
Failure has a terrible reputation. It is like that strict uncle at family gatherings that everyone greets politely but avoids sitting next to.
We grow up hearing:
“Do not fail.”
“Do not embarrass us.”
“Do not make mistakes.”
We think if we fail, we are finished. We believe failure equals stupidity or permanent weakness. We imagine that one mistake stamps us forever.
Yet failure is simply proof that we tried something. You cannot fail at a race you never run. You cannot fail an exam you never sit. You cannot fail in love if you never open your heart.
Our real enemy is not failure. It is shame.
Failure says, “Something did not work.”
Shame says, “You are worthless because it did not work.”
Failure gives information. Shame attacks identity.
To protect ourselves from shame, we pretend not to care. We say, “Math is useless anyway,” after failing a test. “Business is for greedy people,” after our small shop closes. “Relationships are a waste of time,” after heartbreak. But deep inside we know the truth. We are afraid to try again.
The Humor Hiding Inside Failure
Failure can be very funny when you allow yourself to step back a little.
I once believed I could sing. In the shower, I was convinced the angels were jealous. My voice bounced off the walls, and I felt powerful. One day, I decided to bring this “gift” to the public.
Two minutes into my song, the crowd began to shift. Children grew restless. Someone coughed in a way that sounded like a plea for mercy. Even the goats nearby looked annoyed. When I finished, the silence was heavier than any applause. Then the teasing began. That was the day I learned that singing was not my ministry.
Was it painful? Yes. Was it funny? Also yes.
That failure gave my family years of jokes. Whenever I start humming, someone threatens to leave the room. It also gave me direction. I realised my voice might not build people through music, but my pen could through words.
Without that failure, I might still be forcing songs on innocent people.
When you learn to laugh at your failures, you take away their power to crush you. Humor turns painful moments into stories, and stories turn pain into wisdom.
Failure As Feedback, Not Final Judgment
Failure is not a full stop. It is more like a comma that invites you to continue, but in a different way.
When you fall off a bicycle, you do not declare cycling impossible. You learn balance. You adjust your body. You try again. If a child stopped trying after the first fall, no one would ever ride a bike.
The same is true in every area.
You start a small business that collapses. Failure is telling you something about pricing, planning, or partnerships. You publish a book that sells three copies. Failure is telling you something about marketing or timing. You speak in public and forget your main point. Failure is telling you about preparation and nerve management.
If you listen, failure gives you very clear lessons.
If you let shame speak instead, you silence those lessons and walk away with only pain.
My Own Catalogue Of Failures
My life has not been a straight line of success. It is more like a river with branches, turns, dry seasons, and floods.
I have failed exams. I have failed friendships. I have written things that did not make sense. I have started things that did not survive. I have made decisions that looked wise in the moment and foolish later.
There were moments when I thought, “This is it. I am finished.” Failing a subject made me feel stupid. Losing a friend made me feel unlovable. Watching an idea collapse made me feel useless.
Later, looking back with calmer eyes, I saw the gifts hidden in those failures.
Failing exams taught me discipline, not just in study but in life. I learned how to plan, how to focus, how to own my laziness instead of blaming teachers.
Failing friendships taught me humility. I saw ways in which I had been selfish, impatient, or proud. Those lessons shaped how I now listen and respond.
Failing at different projects taught me resilience. You discover what you truly care about when you are willing to try again after it goes wrong.
Failure carved lines of wisdom into my soul with painful tools, but it carved them.
A Market Lesson I Never Forgot
One day in the market, I went to buy fish. I decided this was the day I would prove myself as an excellent bargainer.
The seller gave me a price. I laughed and said, “That is too high.” I tried to sound like an expert. She looked at me, smiled, and replied, “Fine, take it for free then.”
I stood there, confused. Everyone nearby burst into laughter. The way she said it exposed how careless my bargaining was. I had pushed without respect, without understanding her work, without wisdom.
I walked away empty handed but full of lesson.
From that day, I never bargained in that careless way again. I still ask for fair prices, but with more respect. That one moment, that small marketplace failure, became a lifetime teacher in basic economics and dignity.
Why We Must Embrace Failure Instead Of Running From It
If you run from failure, you run from growth.
The leaders we admire, the writers who move us, the entrepreneurs who build something from nothing, the athletes on the field, they all have something in common. They have failed more than most people. The difference is that they learned faster and did not allow shame to keep them down.
They accept that:
Falling is part of walking.
Losing is part of playing.
Mistakes are part of learning.
They do not pretend to be perfect. They do not hide all their scars. Many of them talk openly about setbacks. Their openness sets other people free.
You can hide your failures and look smooth on the outside, or you can face them honestly and grow deeper on the inside. You cannot have both at the same time.
You might also like: The Self-Help Roadmap: Proven Strategies for Personal Growth and Healing
Failure, Shame, And Our Culture
In many communities, especially in places like South Sudan, failure is heavy. Families carry expectations. Tribes carry pride. Communities talk.
If you fail in public, the story moves quickly. People might laugh. Some may condemn. Others might quietly enjoy your fall because it makes them feel stronger.
In such an environment, it is natural to fear failure. People hide. They avoid trying new things. They choose safe paths that do not expose them.
But if everyone avoids risk, new ideas die before they are born. Young people grow up afraid to speak. Creativity dries up. We repeat the same patterns and complain about lack of progress.
We need to shift the way we talk about failure in our homes, schools, and churches. Instead of using it only as a tool to shame people, we can treat it as a normal part of human life and a chance to grow.
Passing A Different Lesson To The Next Generation
The way we handle our own failures teaches children how to handle theirs.
Parents who act like they are always right create children who feel pressure to hide mistakes. Parents who never say, “I am sorry,” raise children who think apologies are weakness.
Parents who admit, “I was wrong there,” or, “I failed but I am trying again,” model something healthier. They show that you can be an adult and still be on a learning journey.
The best gift we can give young people is not a life free from failure, but a relationship with failure that is free from shame.
Children who learn that mistakes are part of growth are more willing to try new things, to study harder, to start small projects, to speak in public, to build. These are the children who become leaders with soft hearts and strong backs.
Practical Ways To Embrace Failure Without Shame
It is easy to talk about failure in theory. How do we live this in daily life?
- Name the failure clearly
Instead of vague statements like, “Everything is a mess,” say, “I failed this exam,” or, “This business idea did not work.” Clarity reduces fear. - Separate identity from outcome
Tell yourself, “I failed at this task, but that does not mean I am a failure as a person.” Your worth is not equal to your last performance. - Ask honest questions
What exactly went wrong? Was it lack of preparation, wrong timing, poor communication, unrealistic expectations? Write down your answers. - Share with a safe person
Talk to someone you trust. Speak the story without hiding the embarrassing parts. Often, saying it out loud reduces the power of shame. - Laugh when you can
If there is a funny side, allow yourself to see it. Humor turns the sharp edge of shame into a softer lesson. - Decide on one small change
You do not need a huge plan. Pick one small adjustment you will make next time based on what you learned. - Try again or release it
Some failures invite you to try again with better preparation. Others show you that this path is simply not yours. Both outcomes are valuable. Wisdom is knowing which is which.
When Honesty About Failure Feels Like Losing
There are times when admitting failure feels worse than the failure itself.
Confessing you made a bad choice can feel like handing your enemies a weapon. Admitting you cannot do something can feel like stepping down from a high place.
But hiding always costs more in the end.
I remember seasons when I pretended to be fine financially while debt was choking me. I feared that asking for help would expose me as irresponsible or weak. When I finally admitted my situation to a close friend, instead of mocking me, he sat down with me, helped me think, and encouraged me to change my habits.
Honesty felt like defeat for a moment. Later it became the starting point of freedom.
You cannot heal a wound you insist does not exist. Admitting failure is not losing. It is opening the door to change.
From Personal Failure To National Growth
This is not just about individuals. Nations also need a healthier relationship with failure.
Countries that pretend everything is fine while roads crumble, schools fail, and people suffer, are living in national denial. Governments that refuse to admit mistakes cannot correct them. Citizens who mock every honest confession push leaders deeper into pretending.
For places like South Sudan, honest recognition of failure in leadership, systems, and attitudes is a necessary step toward healing. The same is true for any country.
Nations built on denial break quietly from within. Nations built on honest self evaluation have a chance to learn, to repair, and to grow.
Learning To Walk With Failure As A Companion
Failure will follow you all your life. Not as a curse, but as a companion.
You will fail at things in your twenties that will make you wise in your thirties. You will fail at something in your fifties that will prepare you to guide someone in their twenties. Failure is not a one time event. It is a repeated teacher.
The goal is not to erase failure from your story. The goal is to walk with it calmly.
To say:
“Yes, I have fallen there. I learned from it.”
“Yes, I made that mistake. It taught me something I now use to help others.”
You do not need to love failure, but you can respect it. You can thank it for what it taught you and keep moving forward.
Because in the end, the real shame is not that you failed. The real shame would be refusing to learn, refusing to try again, and refusing to live fully because you are afraid of falling.
If you would like to know more about my path as a writer, including the struggles, lessons, and small signs of progress along the way, you can read the full story on my Wealthy Affiliate blog here: https://my.wealthyaffiliate.com/johnmaluth/blog
Reflection Questions
- What failure from your past makes you laugh now, even though it hurt at the time?
- In which area of your life has shame stopped you from learning the full lesson that failure was trying to teach you?
- Who in your life has shown you how to fail honestly and still stand up with dignity?
- How would your daily decisions change if you began to see failure as feedback instead of final defeat?
- What is one risk you have avoided because of fear of failure, and what small step could you take toward it this week?
FAQS
- Is failure always a good thing?
Failure is not good in itself, but it can produce good results if you respond with honesty and reflection. It becomes harmful when it leads to shame, denial, or giving up. - How do I know if I should try again or move on after failing?
Look at your desire, your capacity, and your lessons. If your desire is still strong, your capacity can grow, and the lessons are clear, it may be worth trying again in a wiser way. If your desire has died and the path does not fit your gifts or values, it may be time to release it. - How can I help my children handle failure better?
Talk openly about your own mistakes. Praise their effort, not just their results. When they fail, sit with them, ask what they learned, and remind them that mistakes are normal. Avoid shaming language that attacks who they are. - What is the difference between failure and irresponsibility?
Failure can happen even when you try your best. Irresponsibility is when you do not prepare, do not care, or repeat the same mistake without learning. Honest reflection turns failure into growth rather than repeated carelessness. - How does faith relate to failure?
Faith reminds you that your worth does not depend on perfect performance. You can fail and still be loved by God. This security gives you courage to try, to confess, to learn, and to keep going without being crushed by every mistake.
