TL; DR
Most of us like to think we are brave, wise, or “fine.” Then life sends a small chicken, a talking shoe, or a painful mistake to reveal the truth. Denial feels safe for a while, but it keeps wounds hidden and growing. Honesty hurts at first, but it is the pain of cleaning a wound, not the pain of infection.
When you face yourself with courage, humor, and humility, you heal faster than when you pretend everything is okay. Honest people grow. Honest families reconcile. Honest nations recover. Denial protects pride. Honesty protects life.
When I was a boy, I believed I was brave. Not just normal brave. In my imagination, I could stand up to lions, fight rebels, and climb the tallest tree without even blinking.
Then one afternoon a chicken ruined my reputation.
The bird flapped its wings, made a strange noise, and came charging at me as if I had stolen its future. Before I understood what was happening, I was already halfway across the compound, running like an Olympic sprinter. My flip-flops gave up first. I am not sure where they fell.
The village laughed. I laughed with them on the outside. Inside, I was shaken. A simple chicken had exposed a truth my pride refused to see. I was not as fearless as I claimed.
That was one of my first lessons in self-honesty. It stung. But it also freed me. Once you admit you fear chickens, you can stop pretending to be a lion tamer.
Why Facing Yourself Takes Real Courage
Facing yourself is often harder than facing others.
When someone insults you, you can defend yourself. When life is unfair, you can blame the government, the economy, the rebels, or even the neighbor’s noisy goats.
When you face yourself, there is no one else to blame. The mirror does not argue back.
We all wear masks:
• “I am always fine.”
• “I am in control.”
• “I know everything.”
Until a five year old shows you how to use your own smartphone.
Self-honesty means admitting you are not perfect. It means acknowledging your weaknesses, fears, and failures. Many people would rather wrestle a crocodile than confess, “I was wrong” or “I am afraid.”
That is why honesty requires courage. It strips away illusions and leaves you face to face with who you really are.
The Problem With Denial
Denial is like a friendly liar. It comforts you for a short time then abandons you in deeper trouble.
We tell ourselves small lies to stay comfortable:
• “I am not lazy. I am just resting my eyes for three hours.”
• “I do not have anger issues. People just annoy me too much.”
• “I am not jealous. I am just very concerned about why everyone else is succeeding before me.”
Denial is dangerous because it delays healing.
Imagine a man who breaks his leg but insists he is fine. He walks on it anyway until it heals crooked. Later, every step hurts, but now it is harder to fix. That is what denial does to the soul. It turns small problems into long term damage.
I once denied being a bad singer. I sang in the shower, in the fields, even during prayers. In my mind, I was the village Michael Jackson. One day, I sang at a family gathering. Children cried. Dogs barked. An elder quietly offered me peanuts to stop.
That day honesty healed me. I admitted I was not a singer. I focused my energy on writing instead. Denial would have kept me torturing people with my “music” for years.
Why Honesty Heals Faster
Honesty heals because it gives you clarity. You cannot fix what you refuse to see.
When you admit, “I procrastinate too much,” you can start learning time management.
When you confess, “I gossip too much,” you can decide to keep quiet when temptation comes.
When you say, “I do not know,” you open the door to learning from others.
Honesty also heals relationships.
Think of two friends. One feels hurt but hides it. They smile on the outside while resentment grows inside. One day, a small issue triggers an explosion. The friendship breaks.
Now imagine if that friend had said earlier, “I felt hurt when you forgot my birthday.” That small honesty could have saved the relationship.
The same is true in families. Parents who pretend to be perfect raise children who are afraid to share their struggles. Parents who admit, “I was wrong” or “I overreacted” teach their children that it is safe to be human.
That kind of honesty is more healing than ten sermons about honesty.
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My Brother’s Lesson About Fear And Truth
My elder brother, who went to war in 1989, taught me a powerful lesson about honesty without planning to.
Before he left, he sat me down and said, “John, I do not know if I will come back. But I want you to know that I am afraid.”
I was shocked. I thought soldiers were supposed to be fearless. His words went against every heroic story I had heard. Yet his honesty gave me more courage than many brave speeches.
If a soldier could admit fear and still move forward, then fear was not proof of weakness. It was proof of being human.
That day, I learned that honesty is not about looking strong. It is about being real. Sometimes, being real inspires people more than pretending.
Humor As A Tool For Self-Honesty
One of the best tools for facing yourself is humor.
If you can laugh at your own flaws, you have already disarmed them. Humor turns embarrassment into education.
I remember the day I went to church wearing mismatched shoes. I was in a hurry and did not notice until I sat down. At first I wanted the floor to open and swallow me. Then I laughed and told myself, “At least both shoes belong to me.”
That simple joke freed me. Instead of hiding, I turned the mistake into a story. People laughed with me, not only at me. Humor took the sting out of shame.
When you can say, “Yes, I did that foolish thing,” and smile, your past loses some of its power to control you.
The Enemies Of Honesty
Honesty has enemies that work day and night.
- Pride
Pride whispers, “Do not admit you are wrong. People will think less of you.” Pride is like walking around with spinach in your teeth, smiling confidently, and refusing to look in a mirror. - Fear
Fear tells you, “If people knew the real you, they would not love you.” But love that is built on lies is not real love. It is performance. - Busyness
Some people are too busy to be honest. They never pause to reflect. They live on autopilot until life crashes. Honest reflection needs time and quiet. - Comparison
Comparison says, “As long as I am better than this person, I am fine.” But self-awareness is not about being better than others. It is about being a truer, wiser version of yourself than you were yesterday.
Honesty With Yourself As A Daily Practice
Honesty is not a one time event. It is a daily habit. Like brushing your teeth. If you skip it, things start to smell.
Here are simple ways to practice:
• Ask brave questions
Questions like, “What did I do today that I regret?” and “What am I pretending not to see?” can reveal areas that need attention.
• Seek feedback
Ask trusted people, “What blind spots do I have?” Their answers may sting, but they can save you from bigger pain later.
• Write it down
Journaling forces you to face your own thoughts on paper. Reading old entries is like watching reruns of your mistakes and growth. You see how far you have come and where you still repeat old patterns.
• Pause before blaming
Next time something goes wrong, ask, “What part of this is my responsibility?” You may discover that you contributed to the problem more than you first thought.
When Honesty Feels Like Losing
Sometimes honesty feels like defeat.
Admitting you cannot do something, confessing a mistake, or acknowledging fear can feel humiliating. It can seem easier to keep the image of strength.
I once denied being broke. I borrowed money from different people, pretending I was fine. The debt grew quietly until I could not hide it anymore. Shame followed me like a shadow.
Finally, I told a close friend, “I am broke and drowning.” I expected judgment. Instead, he helped me plan a way out. He did not mock me. He guided me.
If I had stayed in denial, I might still be sinking today. That experience taught me that honesty may feel like losing face, but it is actually the first step toward winning your life back.
Honesty Builds Nations Too
This is not just a personal matter. Nations also need honesty.
A country like South Sudan cannot heal if leaders pretend everything is fine while citizens suffer. Pretending does not build roads. It does not stop conflict. It does not put food on the table.
Honesty about mistakes, corruption, and failure is the starting point of real change. Nations built on denial slowly crack. Nations built on honest assessment can repent, correct, and rebuild.
National honesty begins in small places:
• In homes where parents admit wrong.
• In schools where teachers allow questions.
• In churches and mosques where leaders confess weakness.
• In markets where traders choose not to cheat.
Honest citizens make it harder for dishonest systems to survive.
Facing Myself Again: The Talking Shoe
One day in Juba market, I walked like a respectable man, head high, steps confident. Then a child shouted, “Uncle, your shoe is talking!”
I looked down. My sole had split open wide, flapping like a crocodile’s mouth with each step. Everyone laughed.
In that moment I had two choices.
I could pretend nothing was wrong, keep walking with forced dignity, and hope no one noticed. Or I could accept reality and laugh with them.
I laughed.
That small decision reminded me of an important truth. Honesty heals faster than denial. A “talking shoe” is funny when you accept it. It becomes torture when you keep pretending you are walking in Italian leather.
Life is full of chickens that chase you, songs you cannot sing, and shoes that talk. You can deny them and suffer longer, or you can face them with courage, honesty, and a bit of humor.
When you face yourself, you begin to heal yourself. That is far better than pretending forever.
If you would like to know more about my path as a writer, including the struggles, lessons, and small signs of progress along the way, you can read the full story on my Wealthy Affiliate blog here: https://my.wealthyaffiliate.com/johnmaluth/blog
FAQS
- How do I start being honest with myself without feeling overwhelmed?
Start small. Pick one area of your life, such as time management, money, or anger. Ask yourself simple questions like, “Is the story I tell others about this area true?” and “What am I hiding from myself?” You do not need to fix everything in one day. Begin with one honest admission and one small change.
- What is the difference between honesty and harshness?
Honesty tells the truth to heal and improve. Harshness uses truth like a weapon to shame or crush. You can say, “I made a mistake, and I want to do better,” without calling yourself useless. Speak to yourself and others with truth, but also with respect.
- What if being honest damages my relationships?
Dishonesty may protect a relationship on the surface, but it slowly poisons trust. Honesty can be uncomfortable, but when expressed kindly and at the right time, it usually strengthens real friendships. If someone abandons you simply because you told the truth gently, the relationship may not have been healthy.
- How can I invite others to be honest with me?
Model what you want. Admit your own mistakes openly. Thank people when they tell you hard truths, instead of punishing them. Ask them directly, “Is there something you see in me that I need to work on?” and listen without defending yourself.
- How does personal honesty connect to national healing?
Nations are made of people. Leaders who admit failure can correct course. Citizens who refuse to lie, to take bribes, or to hide abuse create pressure for change. When enough individuals choose honesty over denial in their homes, workplaces, and communities, the culture of a country slowly shifts toward truth and accountability.
