TL; DR
Self-awareness is not a luxury word for philosophers. It is a survival skill for ordinary people like you and me. If you do not know who you are, what shapes you, and how you react under pressure, the world will gladly hand you an identity that has nothing to do with your real self.
I grew up along the Sobat River between war, hunger, and constant change. I did not “discover myself” on a beach or in a fancy retreat. I met myself in gunfire, mudfish, shame, laughter, and long walks under a hot sun.
This article shares some of those moments and turns them into lessons you can use. If you are willing to laugh at yourself, listen to your inner alarms, and ask honest questions, you can grow into someone you actually know and respect.
What Self-Awareness Really Means
Forget the complex language for a moment. Self-awareness is simply knowing what is happening inside you and how it shows up outside you.
It is noticing the anger before you shout.
It is feeling the fear before you run.
It is catching the pride before it poisons your relationships.
To me, it is like being both the driver and the mechanic of your own life. If you only drive and never open the bonnet, one day the engine will stop in the middle of the road and embarrass you in front of everyone.
The hard part is that we are experts at avoiding ourselves. We hide in food, phones, gossip, and busyness. We scroll, scroll, and scroll so that we do not have to sit quietly with who we really are. Because sometimes, sitting alone with yourself feels like looking into a mirror after a long, restless night. You may not like what stares back.
My Early Encounters With Myself
I did not grow up in a place where you could “find yourself” by booking a trip to Bali. Where I come from, you met yourself through survival, embarrassment, and small moments of courage.
As a boy, I wanted badly to impress the older kids. One day I decided I would prove I could climb a big tree faster than anyone in the neighborhood. In my head, I was an Olympic champion already. I ran at that tree with full energy, grabbed the trunk, and climbed with all my strength. This was in Rup-man-nyakor in 1991.
Halfway up, I looked down. That was a mistake.
The ground started to move, at least in my imagination.
My legs began shaking like a goat tied for slaughter.
The older boys laughed and shouted,
“So, John, are you a monkey or a man?”
In that moment I discovered something about myself: I was not as brave as I thought, and I was more concerned about other people’s opinion than my own safety. I stayed on that tree longer than I should have, just to pretend I was fine. That day, my self-awareness started with one shaking leg on one shaking branch.
Warning Signs I Ignored
Years later, war taught me another lesson about listening to myself.
One evening in a village near Nasir, some men from the Lou Nuer came to fish with us. Something about their behavior troubled me. I felt a knot in my stomach and a strange alert in my mind. I told my father, “Something is not right.” He smiled and said I was worrying too much.
At around four in the morning, the shooting started.
Bullets sliced the darkness. People ran in all directions.
I was near the cows. Several bullets were fired in my direction, but they missed me. I grabbed a few cows and ran. I do not know how my legs carried me that fast, but they did.
Later, when we were safe, I realized that my earlier “worry” had been more than childish fear. It was my inner alarm system trying to tell me something. My mistake was not that I felt afraid. My mistake was that I doubted my own perception because an adult did not share it.
Self-awareness means taking your inner signals seriously, even when others do not. It means learning to ask, “Why do I feel this way?” before you force yourself to silence that voice.
Why It Is So Hard To Know Yourself
Knowing yourself is tricky because you are both the one looking and the one being looked at. It is like trying to bite your own teeth.
You think you are patient until you are stuck behind a boda-boda rider in Juba traffic who stops in the middle of the road to check his phone.
You think you are humble until someone ten years younger than you gets promoted ahead of you and, in your heart, you wish their computer crashes every morning.
The real you leaks out in these small moments. Self-awareness is not about judging yourself in those moments. It is about catching yourself and quietly saying, “So this is who I am when life presses me.”
Lessons From War, Hunger, And Change
Growing up in South Sudan gave me free lessons in emotional intelligence. The school fees were paid in fear, hunger, and tears.
During the war years, I saw men who talked like lions run like rabbits when bullets flew. I also saw quiet men who rarely spoke in public become strong pillars when danger came. Some who were always loud disappeared. Some who were always overlooked stood firm.
I learned to watch myself in those seasons too.
There was a year when we hid in swampy areas and survived mainly on mudfish and wild fruits. My mother worried because every time I ate mudfish, I vomited. There was almost no other food. My body seemed to reject the little we had. I lost weight. My parents feared I would die of hunger while surrounded by fish.
I learned two hard truths from that time:
- I was not as strong as I wanted to be. My body had limits.
- I was deeply loved. My parents did everything they could for me, even with almost no resources.
Self-awareness is not only about seeing your weakness. It is also about seeing how loved, supported, or carried you have been, even when life looked cruel on the surface.
Years later, during the violence in Juba around 2013 and 2014, I faced a gun again. A loaded weapon pointed in my direction has a way of stripping away your fake identity. In those moments, you are not your job title, your social media profile, or your degrees. You are just a human being who wants to live and protect those you love.
Those experiences forced me to ask myself:
What do I truly believe?
What am I really willing to die for?
What am I simply pretending to care about?
These questions still guide my self-reflection today.
Humor As A Mirror For The Soul
The good news is that you do not need war to know yourself. Please, I hope you never meet that teacher. You can use humor instead.
Humor is like a friendly mirror. It lets you see your foolishness without destroying your dignity.
For example, I once believed I was a wonderful singer. My shower walls never complained. They echoed my voice like a choir of angels. One day I decided to sing in public.
The result?
Children began to cry.
An old man offered me peanuts to stop.
At first, I was offended. Later, I laughed. My image of myself as a talented singer needed a serious update. That moment of public embarrassment became a private lesson: I should keep my “concerts” for the bathroom and focus on the gifts God actually gave me.
Humor has also saved me from my own seriousness in writing. Sometimes I take my calling so seriously that I forget I am still human, still learning, still capable of mistakes. When a reader points out a clear error or misunderstanding, I can either defend myself or say, “You are right, that one was foolish,” and learn.
If you can laugh at yourself without hating yourself, you are growing.
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When My Words Hurt Instead Of Helped
Self-awareness also grows when you see the impact of your words.
Not long ago, I wrote a joking email to a dear friend named Art, who had been sick for a long time. In my attempt to be funny, I used language about “going upstairs,” meaning dying. I thought I was lightening the mood.
Later, I realized how insensitive that was.
Here was a man who had supported me spiritually and financially for years. He helped me take my father to Khartoum for eye surgery. He supported my studies. I helped him edit and publish his books. And when his health failed, my words did not reflect the depth of my respect and gratitude.
That realization hurt. But it also taught me an important lesson:
I talk about being a “pro-humanity writer.” That means my words should protect, heal, and lift people, not add weight to their pain.
Self-awareness is not just about knowing your talents. It is about recognizing your blind spots, apologizing when necessary, and adjusting your behavior.
The Enemies Of Self-Awareness
Across the years, I have met three common enemies of self-awareness in my own life.
- Pride
Pride whispers, “You are fine. Everyone else is the problem.”
This is how you stay stuck. This is how you become the person who never apologizes, even when your whole family knows you were wrong. - Fear
Fear keeps you from asking hard questions.
“Am I difficult to live with?”
“Am I making life harder for my children, my spouse, my friends?”
Fear says, “Do not ask. You might not like the answer.” - Busyness
This one is silent but deadly.
You fill every moment with activity. You never sit alone, never reflect, never rest. You hope that at the finish line of all this rushing you will somehow discover who you are. You will not. You will simply be tired.
I have lived all three. I have been proud of my writing, afraid of criticism, and too busy publishing to look honestly at the effect of my work on my own soul. Only when I slowed down, listened, and sometimes cried, did I see the truth.
Simple Ways To Build Self-Awareness
You do not need a guru. You do not need a ten-step secret method. Start small with these simple practices.
- Ask people who love you
This is dangerous because they might tell you the truth.
Ask, “What is it like to live with me?” or “What do you think I do that hurts people?” Then just listen without defending yourself. - Journal your thoughts
Write what you think and feel. Then, after some years, read your old notebooks.
You may laugh at your past self, or cry with him, or both. You will see patterns you never noticed before. - Pause and reflect
Take ten minutes of silence each day. Turn off your phone. Sit under a tree, on a chair, or even on your bed. Ask yourself, “How am I really doing?” - Notice your triggers
What makes you angry very quickly?
What makes you jealous?
What makes you suddenly talk too much or withdraw into silence?
Those reactions are like push notifications from your soul. Do not ignore them. - The Benefits Of Knowing Yourself
Why should you struggle with all this inner work? Because it changes how you live with others and with yourself.
When you know yourself:
- You stop wasting energy pretending to be someone you are not.
- You make better decisions because you understand your limits and strengths.
- You build healthier relationships because you know what you bring to the table and what you tend to spill.
- You grow in humility, recognizing that you are a mixture of wisdom and foolishness, courage and fear.
For me, self-awareness has protected my calling. When I understand my pride, I can bring it to God and ask for help. When I see my fear, I can still choose to write articles that may offend some but help many. When I notice my tendency to talk too much when nervous, I can smile, slow down, and let silence speak.
A Talking Shoe In Juba Market
Once, I walked through Juba market feeling like a respectable man. I adjusted my shirt, kept my back straight, and tried to walk like someone who had written many books.
Then a child pointed at my foot and shouted,
“Uncle, your shoe is talking!”
I looked down.
The sole of my shoe had opened like a crocodile’s mouth.
People laughed. For a brief second, I had two choices.
Option one: pretend nothing was wrong, look angry, and walk away stiff like a wounded chief.
Option two: laugh with them.
I chose laughter.
In that moment, my respectability came down to one simple question:
Was I willing to be a human being among human beings, or did I want to be a fragile statue that cracks at the first joke?
Knowing when to stop taking yourself too seriously is one of the quiet fruits of self-awareness.
Self-Awareness As Lifelong Maintenance
Becoming more self-aware is not a weekend project. It is lifelong maintenance.
Think of yourself as a phone that receives regular software updates. If you keep postponing the updates, one day your apps will freeze, your battery will die too fast, and nothing will work properly.
Your character is the same.
If you ignore your inner updates, your relationships, work, and health will eventually show the errors.
The good news is that every new day is another chance to know yourself better and live more honestly. You are not stuck with yesterday’s version of you.
If you would like to know more about my path as a writer, including the struggles, lessons, and small signs of progress along the way, you can read the full story on my Wealthy Affiliate blog here: https://my.wealthyaffiliate.com/johnmaluth/blog
FAQS
- How can I start becoming more self-aware today?
Start small. Take ten quiet minutes, without your phone, and ask yourself, “What am I really feeling right now?” Then write it down. You can also ask one trusted person, “What is one thing you think I should work on?” and listen without arguing. - What if I do not like what I discover about myself?
That is normal. No one enjoys seeing their jealousy, anger, or pride. Remember that seeing the truth is not the end, it is the beginning. Once you notice a problem, you can work on it, ask for help, and grow beyond it. - How can humor help me grow in self-awareness?
Humor lets you face your weaknesses without drowning in shame. When you laugh kindly at your own mistakes, you can admit them, learn from them, and move forward. The goal is not to laugh at yourself harshly, but to smile at your humanity and adjust. - What role do other people play in my self-awareness journey?
People around you act like mirrors. They notice patterns, blind spots, and strengths you may never see alone. Feedback from family, friends, and colleagues can be painful, but if it is honest and loving, it can accelerate your personal growth. - How do I know if pride, fear, or busyness is my main enemy?
Look at your reactions. If you always defend yourself, pride may be at work. If you avoid hard conversations and deep questions, fear is likely leading you. If you are always “too busy” to rest or reflect, then busyness is controlling you. Start where you are most stuck, and gently begin to change.
This is such a powerful reflection on self-awareness. ???? I love how you show that knowing yourself isn’t just about strengths—it’s about noticing fear, pride, humor, and even the small daily reactions that reveal who we really are.
Your stories from Juba and the Sobat River really bring the lessons to life, showing that self-awareness is forged in real experiences, not just quiet retreats. The practical tips—journaling, pausing, noticing triggers—make it something we can actually practice every day.
Thank you for sharing your journey and reminding us that self-awareness is lifelong, human, and deeply transformative. ????
Hi Monica Altenor,
Thank you. Self-awareness has never felt like a quiet hobby for me. I learned it in noisy places, under pressure, when a single reaction could turn a small problem into a bigger one. In Juba, you can see how pride speaks fast, and how fear can disguise itself as “being careful.” Along the Sobat River, I learned to read my own mood the way you read the sky before rain.
What helped me most was catching myself in the small moments. The tone I use when I am tired. The way I defend myself when no one attacked me. The times I laugh to avoid saying the hard truth. Those tiny signals tell me more than any big speech I can give about who I am.
When you say “daily reactions,” which one do you notice most in yourself these days?
Thank you for sharing this. Reading it as a believer in Christ, I was deeply moved by how honestly you speak about grief without trying to rush past it or explain it away. Scripture tells us there is “a time to weep and a time to mourn,” and this piece honors that truth in a very human way.
I appreciate how you describe poetry not as a cure, but as a companion. That resonates with my own walk of faith. Even in the Psalms, we see grief poured out plainly before God — sorrow, confusion, longing, and hope often sitting side by side. Your reflections feel similar, like a modern echo of lament that still leaves room for healing and quiet hope.
What stood out most is the reminder that beauty and pain can coexist. As Christians, we trust that God is near to the brokenhearted, even when answers don’t come quickly. This writing gently affirms that presence without forcing conclusions, and that takes wisdom.
Thank you for giving space to grief, memory, and healing through words. This is the kind of reflection that helps hearts breathe again.
Hi Jason,
Thank you for reading it through the eyes of faith. You noticed what I was trying to protect in the writing: not to rush grief, and not to turn pain into a quick lesson. When I look back at my own life, especially the seasons around loss, war, and separation, I remember how people meant well, but sometimes they tried to “solve” sorrow. Yet Scripture gives us permission to sit in it. Like you said, Ecclesiastes makes room for weeping, and the Psalms make room for honesty.
I also agree with your line about poetry as a companion. That is what it has been for me. Not a cure, not a shortcut, but something that walks beside you when your chest feels tight and your mind keeps replaying what you cannot change. In some moments, a few lines of lament can do what a long speech cannot do. It helps the heart tell the truth to God, and sometimes to itself.
And yes, beauty and pain can share the same room. I have seen that in small ways: a joke in the middle of hardship, a kind word when everything else felt heavy, a quiet sunset that did not remove the grief but reminded me I was still alive. That is not denial. It is mercy.
When you have gone through grief in your own walk, what helped you most: prayer, Scripture, community, silence, or writing things out?